'I Can't Sleep At Night! Help'

Good morning happy people of nairaland.

I will try to be brief as possible. During the lock down my elder brother was seriously ill, we all thought it normal malaria and typhoid but getting to the hospital he was diagnosed of kidney diseases at it last stage (CKD). We all brace up and gave him all the support needed during the stage from one dialysis section to another something thrice a week.

It became worse and no improvement at sight, I literally do all thing for him, from bathing to feeding and carry him around the hospital but he faith he will come out of it. During the process he used all of his life saving to the extend of collecting and seeking financial assistance from people because the doctor advice to undergo kidney transplants.

On 2 April 2021 we went from dialysis, nurses were complaining that I allow him to drink a lot of water because at that stage he have a daily water intake and also needed blood. He did the blood transfusion and the dialysis but he had a breathing issue, the nurse place him on breathing machine the oxygen got exhausted and he was normal.

We went home by 12am, on getting home we ask for water, I told him to wait because I can even hear noise of water around his thoracic cavity. He was having difficult I had to call one of his friend so that we can take him back to the hospital but he gave up the ghost and we bury him that the same day because that was his wish. Due to his name, I was confused and angry at myself and everyone that we lost him due to 5 million needed for the transplant.

Months later I was able to get over his death a bit and went back to school, wrote the exam and graduated with first class even though the examination I didn't prepared much due to what happened. It was just God hand at work ( It only a fool that say there is no God).

Now the problem is that I can't sleep and remember my brother death that I should have done more. His death is like 5 months from now but it still fresh in my memory recently. My brother play a vital role in my education from paying my fee and monthly allowance and advice. I was thinking of using drugs so that I can sleep at time but talk me out of it. Pls how can I re again myself and also am an introvert I don't have people to talk to and I hardly go out.

source http://www.nairaland.com/6788550/cant-sleep-night-please-what